A free one week challenge
The 7-Day Connection Challenge
Seven days. One small action a day, about ten minutes each. No meeting to schedule, nothing to buy, and no version of this that requires your partner to be as interested as you are.
No email address required. Click and it downloads.
11-page PDF · Letter size, prints at home · Works on a phone too
What a week can and cannot do
A week is not long enough to fix a relationship. Nothing on this list will repair years of distance, and if the two of you are in real trouble, a seven-day challenge is not the answer. I would rather tell you that up front than sell you something that quietly implies otherwise.
What a week can do is narrower and more useful. It can tell you whether you can still move at all. It can show you which small thing the two of you actually respond to, which is information you cannot get from thinking about it. And it can prove to one of you that a change is possible, which matters more than it sounds like it does.
If you only get one thing out of the seven days, day 4 is the one I would keep. Saying the thing you almost did not say is the habit that makes every other thing on the list easier.
The seven days
Each day is one action, the exact words if you want a script, why it works, and what to do when it goes sideways. The worksheet has all of it, plus room to write.
- 1
Ask something you have never asked
One question whose answer you genuinely do not know. Not logistics. Not a check-in.
Gottman, love maps
- 2
Name one specific thing they did
An action with a day attached to it, not a compliment about their character. “You took the call with my mom on Tuesday” beats “you’re so kind.”
Gottman, the positivity ratio
- 3
The five minute download
Each of you talks for five minutes about what was hard today. The other one listens and fixes nothing.
Gottman, stress reducing conversation
- 4
Say the thing you almost did not say
Something small you swallowed this week, said out loud. Serious is not the point. Unsaid is the point.
Sue Johnson, A.R.E.
- 5
One repair attempt, on purpose
One small signal that you are okay, on a day when nothing is broken. You are rehearsing the gesture for the day you actually need it.
Gottman, repair attempts
- 6
Ask for something small, out loud
One specific, doable request. Small enough that a no will not hurt. “Can you take the dog tomorrow” is a bid. “I need more from you” is a complaint.
Gottman, bids for connection
- 7
Read the week back
Ten minutes together. What worked, what felt forced, and which single thing you are keeping.
The day that decides whether it sticks
Why these seven and not others
Most relationship challenges are a list of nice ideas. This one is deliberately the opposite of grand. Every day is small enough to do on a Tuesday after the kids are in bed, and specific enough that you can tell whether it happened.
The reasoning comes from researchers who watched couples directly. John Gottman and his colleagues studied thousands of couples over decades and found that what separates stable couples from struggling ones is not how much they fight. It is the ratio of small positive moments to negative ones, and whether repair attempts get received when they are offered. Sue Johnson spent her career on a related question: whether you can reach your partner emotionally, and whether they signal back that you matter.
Both of those are built from small, repeatable moments rather than big conversations. That is why the whole week is small on purpose.
Turn these around on yourself
There is a comfortable way to do a challenge like this one, and it looks like being the healthy one evaluating the other person. It is easy to read a list like this and quietly assign the days to your partner. The honest version includes answers about your own side.
So the same questions point back at you. What is something you have been thinking about lately that you have not said out loud to them? What did they do this week that you noticed and never mentioned? What have you swallowed and called being considerate? What small thing have you stopped asking for because you decided the answer would be no?
Notice which of those made you flinch. That one is usually the one worth saying. The couples who get better are not the ones where nobody has issues. They are the ones where both people are willing to look at their own.
Frequently asked questions
Is this actually free?
Yes. The challenge is free to read on this page, and the printable worksheet is free too. If we ask for your email for the worksheet, that is the whole trade: an email address for a PDF, and you can unsubscribe whenever you want.
Do we both have to do it?
No, and that is deliberate. Several of the days only ask one person to do something, so it works even if your partner is not interested in a challenge. Day 1, day 2, day 4, and day 5 are all things you can do on your own.
How much time does each day take?
About ten minutes. None of it requires finding an uninterrupted hour or scheduling a meeting. Day 3 is the longest because each of you talks for five minutes.
What if we miss a day?
Then you missed a day. The order is not sacred and there is nothing to fail. Day 7 is the only one worth protecting, because that is where you decide which single action to keep.
Is this therapy?
No. It is built from published research by people who studied couples for a living, but reading research is not the same as being qualified to treat anyone. If your relationship is in real trouble, if someone is unsafe, or if there is abuse or an active addiction, please talk to a licensed professional instead. This worksheet is not equipped for that, and neither am I.
Where did these seven actions come from?
They are drawn from work by John Gottman and Sue Johnson. Love maps, bids for connection, repair attempts, and the positive-to-negative ratio come from Gottman's research. The A.R.E. framework (Accessible, Responsive, Engaged) and the question underneath it come from Johnson. Each one has a longer article on this site with the citations.
What comes after the seven days?
The weekly check-in. One scheduled conversation a week, about 45 minutes, and it is what turns a good week into a habit. There is a free guide for it on this site, and the worksheet points you there.
Ready to start the week?
Grab the printable worksheet, or just come back to this page each day and work through it here.
No email address required. Click and it downloads.
Where this stops
This is not therapy and it is not a fix for a relationship in real trouble. It will not help with abuse, with an active addiction, with a partner who is unsafe, or with a crisis. A worksheet cannot do that work.
If any of that is where you are, please talk to a licensed professional. The resources page has places to start.
If you want to go deeper
- The weekly check-in guideThe natural next step once the week is over
- The 5 to 1 ratioWhy the small moments matter more than the grand ones
- Sue Johnson and the A.R.E. frameworkThe question underneath day 4
- Bids for connection questionsMore of the day 6 kind of conversation
- Relationship check-in questionsFor when the week is over and you want a routine
Written by D.J. Westbrooks. I'm not a licensed counselor, just a 50-something who's been married 28+ years and has spent years reading what actual relationship researchers (Gottman, Johnson, Nagoski, Tatkin, Hendrix, Perel) have to say about what makes marriages last. This article is built from their work, not from a clinical degree. More about how this site gets made.
This site is not therapy. If your relationship is in real trouble, talk to a licensed professional.